How did you get so rich, Chris? Shut up or I'll fillya fulla lead and spleen.

Here's a way to generate quick cash that does not involve embezzlement or murder, but DOES involve guns:

You send me a symbolic representation of something you hate (i.e a 8x10 glossy photo of Garrison Keillor [spleen to you, you homophobic Methodist freak!] or a copy of Ally Sheedy's book of "poems" Yesterday I Saw the Sun*) and, say, $10, and I'll shoot it full of holes!

Order today and you'll get a choice of calibers: a .40 caliber handgun or a .308 rifle!

If you're interested, just drop me an e-mail.

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*I am tempted to post excerpts from this "book," but I fear bleeding from my eyes.**


**I was also tempted to list Jewell's "book of poetry" but when I think about how many copies it has sold, I cry a lot and vomit burns the back of my throat. Spleen Spleen.